I understood as a child, I thought as a child:
but when I became a man, I put away
childish things. "
1C13:11
Disclaimer: What I have written below is a small peak at what goes through my mind. If you read it all I ask, know that it wasn't written with any particular motive in mind. Whatever you feel, whether it's belief, skepticism, yearning or even agreement. It's a symptom. Of what, for better or worse, whether you realize it now or later, is entirely all up to you.
I hope you can live with the decision. In my opinion too much time has gone by. How i wish that i'm wrong. But still. Action expresses priority. The reason it is so hard to accept is because you showed what you do when you cared. So it is painfully obvious to see when you don't. If i was wrong. You had the opportunity to try and explain. I'm afraid that now I won't know what will happen until i face the question when I was once so sure. Because it's the significance that is out of balance. Right now all the significance is with me. It's what makes it heavy on my heart. The fact that you don't see what I do. Reminds me of how we started out.
Because if it's one you aren't prepared to live with then the next ones are hard. Ones people shouldn't have to make. You don't deserve that. Your heart is so beautiful. Despite everything you've been through you are hopeless to give and so sweet. It makes me sad to think people are out there that will take advantage of that. But you're a smart girl. I have faith in you.
Remember when you explained how you knew i was meant for you?? and explained exactly why it didn't work out with anyone before? What you felt? The lengths you were willing to go? How someone someday could walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anybody else?
Make sure you know what you are willing to give up. Whether you know it now or when you are forced to accept it. The truth failed you and so did I. I already failed you by not protecting what meant the most to me. Left it to chance. Because i was too blind to see or too busy to stop and take stock. For whatever reason, and for the record there is
It's really a shame بيا رسيد وقت درو ; you had me convinced.
There are a few large events that help us set the pace for how we define our lives. Things are brought to our attention that sometimes are so shocking that they help draw away attention from the questions we owe it to ourselves to ask. Before we make decisions we come to regret and can not take back. 23 years later I take stock of my life. For the first time. For a reason that is universally acceptable. You owe it to yourself to know what you want and more importantly what you don't know you want.
Happiness is not an accident. It requires effort. Both emotionally and logically. Balance is the key. The stakes are extremely high. The scary part is that its easy to lose sight of what we have until it's gone.
What if?
There are very few understandings in the little worlds we live in and even fewer people willing to give with the naivety to give freely.
There are reasons why people say "if someone has said it best already why reinvent it", or something like that. Because an understanding has been reached that doesn't know time or space. It knows no differences. no different languages, no one is immune to its understanding.
Understanding. The word carries its own meaning. It is whatever you want it to be. The danger is whether we choose to lie to ourselves or not. Sometimes it's easier to live that way. Everyone has degrees of truth. Their own level of comfort with what they will share and more importantly what they will not. The scariest: What they are willing to accept about themselves. Like I would like to think I'm a good person but the truth is I would do anything to protect my family. It's a dangerous curtain to remove.
I guess you don't know the answer to some things until you are faced with the question. And some questions i am doing my best to make sure are left unanswered. Easy to get in. Hard to get out.
�� ♫
Sometimes being able to think and connect the dots leads to being able to connect ones you wish you hadn't. Occupational hazard. But I would rather know and be able to make decisions knowing they were for the right reasons. The example between the question marks reminds me of how dangerous being vulnerable is. Also reminds me of how what goes around definitely comes back around. There is a reason for why i'm explaining all this to you with some form of understanding. Just like there is a reason for alot of things. That's common.
??You cared to help me when i 'needed you for a test' but not when part of me was missing? What did you think? Think. Because this is beyond serious. You were worried about things ending badly and because i knew so many people and the fact it could get very sticky to deal with worst case scenario. Which you didn't know if i was going to be vindictive or not. I know have an understanding as to why you were trying to deal with it the way you did. Not for my sake, but rather for the sake of your situation. Whether i'm right or not is something i tried to get you to explain. Which is a promise from you i have yet receive. But that's not even the scariest part. If you were worried about the capacity of people I know now? At age 23? As a college student?? What is going to happen when it's in the real world??
[paragraph
erased]
The combination of skills are at the mercy of the emotional state of the person. In this case. Me. You said this was something you were giving an opportunity. You aren't. You haven't.
Let me ask you a question. Is this something you have considered thoroughly?
Because if it isn't then everything i just erased from this space because of a second thought shouldn't matter.
[Text below encoded
by user 8:59:17 AM]
VGhlIHBsb3QgdGhpY2tlbnMuLi4gV2hhdCBhYm91dCB0aGUgaW5mb3JtYXRpb24geW91IGRvbid0
IGtub3cgaSBoYXZl??
Things that are said and written. The ones to worry about.
They are written in INK. Ink that cannot be erased.
The further you run from your sins, the more exhausted you are when they catch up to you.
Cruelty you don't understand is cruelty you risk inflicting. Someone else saying it best: the ones you love are in the best position to hurt you." What is the reasoning there? There is no rhyme or reason. Or I don't want to know. That's hard to say. I guess some things you can't explain. For someone that wants to explain everything that is a difficult pill to swallow.??
What people don't realize is that the right things can be screwed up for the wrong reasons. When people say everything happens for a reason. A dangerous quote. I hope whenever you say it readers, you are saying it knowing that the reason may not always be for a good one. Here's a way to test it. Try and come up with the reason. If you can't, then maybe you should consider the possibility of being wrong or it's a reason you don't know yet.
Because if it is just to help you rest your head on the pillow realize that balance is everything. You may be taking advantage of the bliss you are choosing to justify whatever it is with. But you risk being blatantly faced with the truth eventually and it you honestly don't know if you will be able to accept it in the future. A problem you don't see coming. A problem you don't want to think about. A problem that could, ruin everything.
Likely? Probably not.
Something you should leave to chance? The answer depends. Eventually. The answer is no.
The problem? Time isn't refundable. The clock is ticking.
You teach people how to treat you.
Everyone deserves the opportunity to be a stranger to being abused, being taken advantage of and most importantly the opportunity to see the good in people and nothing else. Because. Why not? I'm sorry to say I have an answer to that question. Some questions should never be answered. But the answer is because its a world the way you see it. You can choose to see the righteous in it or you can choose to see the evil. It depends on how easy people make it to see one way or the other.
There's a saying: Whether you think you can or
But the choice is not nearly as important as what message you send between the lines.
Everything it takes to start a relationship defies all of the things it takes to maintain one. Wrap your head around that one. You can learn something from everyone. Perspective to gain, reminders to enlighten and eyes to open.*
Space Bound:
We touch i feel a rush,
We clutch it isn't much,
But its enough to make me wonder
What's in store for us,
It's lust, It's torturous,
You must be a sorceress.
Cause you just did the impossible,
Gained my trust, don't play games if you fuck me over,
Cause if i get burnt imma show you what it's like to hurt,
Cause i've been treated like dirt before you,
And
Love is evil, spell it backwards. I'll show you.*
Treat love backwards and it will show you what happens when you put it that way.
Coincidence. Fate. Understand. Luck. Chance.
Which one is it??
It was a series of coincidences that made you who you are and ultimately dictate what you do.
Fate is the ability to show that which you truly care about that nothing. else. matters.
Chance is what you take regardless of what choice you make. It's the risk you assume that you should focus on. Opportunity cost is a universal concept. Make sure you are willing to give up what miss out on when you choose the option that you have to live with.*
*The option to not choose is there too. Yeah. i agree with you who feel this way only when it involves leaving anything i truly care about to chance. Learn from poker. You can't lose what you don't put in the middle but you can't win much either.
The most important thing is what you learn. Whether it be about yourself, someone else, because of someone else, because of circumstances that you let ruin what you could have, or whatever.
Make sure* you UNDERSTAND whether or not you made the choice you thought you did. Because understanding is what you get after you realize what decision you made, why you made it, what helped you understand why, what made it more difficult to understand why, and most important whether, if you could, really could, would you go back and make the same decision? Knowing what you know now?
Or not?
The question? So what is it when you are given this perspective at age 23?
LUCK.
*I'm emphasizing, just as creatures of habit we take for granted things we are exposed to constantly. We tend to at least.
Being honest with yourself is what's important. Always. You will never be truly happy unless you are willing to find out what you want, and make sure it's what you want before you set out to get. Especially if it's someone else's heart is at risk. Because some things are worth the risk to attain. Once you get them don't risk losing what you tried so hard to keep. You never know what's possible. If you never try, you will always miss the opportunity. Some opportunities are subtle and those unfortunately are usually the ones that have both a quick expiration date and are the rarest. They are the ones keep you up at night. Nights like the night i wrote this. Once you have it. Cherish it. Don't ever turn your back on it. Protect it. Stay foolish, don't let things get to you that don't really matter. Don't give up on the things that do. You owe it to yourself to try something and understand you don't know how you may feel. Don't fear what you don't know. Use it to your advantage. Make the best of what you have. Fear the idea that you didn't try when you could have. This world would be much worse off if there weren't people that took risks. But don't forget to be true to yourself. You have to know what you want if you ever plan on being with someone. You don't know what lengths you will go to get something or someone you want. Make sure you don't risk it for the wrong reasons. Once you have something, whatever it is, WHOever it is. If you love them. Really love them. Nothing else matters. Which is why it's so dangerous. You don't want to know what you will do when someone you love doesn't feel the same way. You want no doubt. You want to know. When things inevitably get tough you will thank God you have someone that understands you when you think everyone else doesn't. You will have certainty in an uncertain world.
You will rarely get what you really want in life if you do not ask for it. To love and win? Best.
To love and lose??
Second best.
-Matt.
When all is said and done. Everything depends. All you can do is try to make sense of chaos. What you've read is just a small glimpse at my version of rationalizing things. Some logic, some emotion. All subjective. All at the mercy of my prejudice, and now yours. Believe what you want, but do not for a second forget to think. Use your head. It's the only thing that you can control truly. And even then that's only when you're lucky. All you can do is try. It's time I started taking a bit of my own advice. The trick is it's hard when it's you that has the convincing to do. That's why you have to be careful of who you let in. Whether you choose to or not. Once you do. They have hold. Make sure you select carefully who those people are. Never give up.
