Nobody can teach you who you are.
A dangerous phrase. Even more palpable because it’s one of those phrases people go looking for when they need guidance or some sense of direction. The kind of guidance you find on a webpage that would be at the end of a Google search with some combo of: “inspirational quote(s) about -insert specific problem you are hoping google will help you outsource here- optionally followed by some authority that transcends whatever discipline they are known for.
(Think Einstein for aiding in understanding imagination and philosophy and a whole host of other inherently vague subjects that mathematics loves to hate because it cannot be ‘quantified’ and then consider how that transcendence can be not only misinterpreted but falsely believed as a legitimate rationale without any follow up or original thoughts on the matter.)
For whatever reason they go looking for a better answer than what they came up with, or more likely: an answer at all.
The reason this is a dangerous recipe; is because these people are looking for an answer. They are what you would describe as motivated buyer(s)/seller(s). Which means they are willing to settle for something that they would originally not consider based on a certain set of standards. Which is a very fluid concept.
In other words, a humongous opportunity for wild misinterpretation exists because of the ability to access this database known as the Internet with relative ease matched with the reason why facebook is so successful: the desire to look good, credible, authentic, arbitrary positive adjective to describe a mammal.
To have the answer.
(my favorite is a mix of authentic, intelligent and open minded) Its no coincidence that I despise the opposite and I have come to realize that I have such a disposition for that combination of traits namely because I see it in myself on my worst days. Effectively we are anchored by what we hate, to say the least.
(name the friend that Googles everything in an effort to find the answer. If you can’t think of it quickly, its YOU and its safe to assume you’re friends secretly want to take your [probable] decked out iPhone with SIRI and break it in half in front of you just to see what you would do) CLEALY this is not a sour spot (blatant fib) and I therefore would not have come up with all kinds of clever things to say afterwards to verbally kick them when their down. (I have, my favorite: Ask SIRI how to fix THAT, bitch).
I describe this type of individual with confidence because I can think of a litany of people that fit the bill.
Conveniently, however I would easily ‘forget’ to include myself from such a description because I OBVIOUSLY know better. (Da’ Nile is not just a river in Egypt)
Because it’s totally true, I’m just as guilty of the desire to find answers to questions.
If you’re getting a ‘funny’ feeling, well done, if you aren’t exactly sure as to what I’m referring to/talking about; A.) Welcome to my world. B.) Instead of hypothetically berating you for overlooking the red flag that should be raised by the phrase above also highlighted in red for your convenience I will not be a huge douche and simply lay it out:
Is there anything wrong with a desire to answer questions, solve problems, Et Cetera?
Ehh, most of the time, I would say no, right? A good approach to questions is finding out how an answer is most correct but then also understanding why the others fail to be up to snuff. A lot more work, but disproportionately more understanding. Worth it. (Asking the right questions is a whole different beast)
Because knowing that an answer is right is only half of the story, right? If you highlight everything that makes your point but conveniently skate over everything that provides no support for your hypothetical point, then what you’re trying to say takes a backseat to the credibility issue you’re inevitably going to be dealing with.
It’s the difference between perking up and piping down when Bill Gates or any name of equal ubiquitous value speaks up about something new and not well understood as opposed to the homeless man you’ve affectionately nicknamed ‘Steve’ because you hear about his ‘time machine device‘ every morning at the nearest caffeine establishment you stop by on you’re way to do whatever it is you do.
As an added bonus, If you are unsure of whether what you ‘do’ is meaningful, you now have an incentive to believe that Steve is a raging lunatic because by comparison you are now more ‘valuable’.
We’ll bypass the fact that the worst offenders of this ‘phenomena’ will completely vilify ‘Steve’ so that his time machine story is going to serve as nothing more than entertainment value at your respective water cooler. Which is another place everyone will try to ‘shine’ the brightest even at the expense of their integrity (Steve now has a freaking mustache that rivaled captain hook in length and Shrek in odor, he also attempted to solicit you for anything that is ‘bad’ but you valiantly and heroically said something like; “no citizen, you’re better than this” and the worst offenders would actually throw themselves a bone by holding themselves responsible for taking Steve to the nearest public education institution and brokering a scholarship while curing AIDS)
Sounds ridiculous right? When it’s explained to an extreme, you see the absurdity of the behavior. However, when people are given an opportunity to get away with it? By essentially being in control of how it’s presented? Fuggedaboutit.
When you create something out of nothing, it’s very addicting. Which is a great ‘intrinsic’ motivator. It’s the difference between doing it for the paycheck and finding a way to do it because it’s a tangible result at the direct effort of your labor.
Wanna know what else fall’s under the definition of “a tangible result at the direct effort of your labor”?
The list includes but is not limited to:
· Misrepresenting oneself to another parties detriment (Bernie Madoff and the Ponzi Schemer’s [Cool wrestling name alert])
· Fake ID profits
· Creation of new narcotics that previously did not exist
· The worst parts of the Bible
I’ve conveniently left off the all of the positive and economically stimulating benefits of this definition because, we freaking know that’s the case already. What’s being neglected is the increasing dedication and allocation of our time and consequently money to our ‘image’ if we stay with Facebook as an example because it’s:
It’s the same principle that will get us to succeed that is insidiously leading us to impotence. We trade that long-term, gratification delaying behavior for the much more fun and much less difficult short-term incentive because it’s just too tempting. We put on average, more time into our ‘image’ than we do our outside productivity. The freaking entity that gives your facebook page substance to begin with is now at the mercy of the display case all because you can control the way it looks and that’s, just, woah. Time is non-refundable (for meow) so that means that whatever you choose to do whenever you choose to do it, completely alienates every other choice you could have made. It becomes mutually exclusive. Much in the same way that vulnerability is unavoidable to genuinely connect and interact to a level that generates rapport beyond an everyday run of the mill, “Hi Melinda, how are the kids, oh you don’t have any? That’s right, I am not really listening but I think it’s polite to indirectly engage you for the 13.73 seconds I see you in an effort to avoid a 13.73 second period of awkwardness and discomfort. Bye. Oh ya, go eff yourself. “
This is not something I’m making up. This is not an isolated incident? I encourage you to think for yourself while finding a way to entertain an idea that could possibly be incorporated into your personal system, or NOT. Either way, it’s not something that you take at face value. Ask questions. Get answers. Challenge your capacity for reasoning and concession. Figure out what really makes YOU tick instead of all the bullshit we lace into our projection. By doing so we remove ourselves and immunize our time from being wasted. It is easier to manipulate someone that is less educated due to their tendency to ask fewer questions because they either don’t know what questions to ask,
(people, myself included, at times limit themselves from doing something because they are sure the outcome will be a certain way). Well by that logic, should we not also off ourselves because we're inevitably going to be done in by life anyway? Don’t drink that wine, it’ll be a headache in the morning? That apple will be a core, so steer cleer, benefits be damned?
OR they are more desperately reliant on the outcome to the degree that they essentially convince themselves to continue throwing money at a problem by as one example, oversimplifying a complicated problem until its turned into black and white in an effort to tell right from wrong.
Welp, criminals consider this demographic their bread and butter. Routinely, the desperate are enticed based on their weaknesses (which we all have, don’t get it twisted) and because of their circumstances, they are more inclined to believe that an opportunity exists to better said circumstances. Children's books could be written based on the fantasies that have been dreamt up to justify why such a crazy decision. History inundates us with the theme 'if it's too good to be true, more often than not it usually is.'
What makes the difference between the successful and ‘duped’ group isn’t necessarily a deficiency in intelligence, I would say it’s a lack of maneuverability that ends up getting people to part with their “nest eggs” Et Cetera. Looking back, it’s easy to see how the particulars unfolded, because hindsight is always 20/20. But again, that’s not gonna do you or I any good after the fact.
Horse racing is a great example: you bet on horse 5 taking it to the finish, but horsey number 7 wins. You, being the incredible genius that you are say some slap-worthy bullshit like: “I KNEW 7 WAS GOING TO WIN YET I INSISTED ON A LOSING HORSE? WAIT HUH? THAT AUTOMATICALLY MAKES ME SOME KIND OF INSTUTITIONALIZE WORTHY INDIVIDUAL BECAUSE I “KNEW” THE OUTCOME YET I BET ON A LOSING HORSE, ESSENTIALLY SETTING MYSELF UP TO FAIL BUT I ALWAYS HAVE THE ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING BECAUSE I’M INSECURE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND THIS BEHAVIOR IS UNLIKELY TO STOP BECAUSE FACING THAT KIND OF QUESTION IS DIFFICULT AND IT’S ALWAYS EASIER TO PUSH BLAME ONTO SOMETHING, ANYTHING OTHER THAN MYSELF LIKE I’M NOT FULLY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN FREAKING SITUATION AND HOLY CRAP, NOW I’M 50 AND JUST NOW REALIZING THAT I’VE BEEN AVOIDING THIS FOR DECADES.”
Worst case scenario?
Welp, suicide sounds pretty reasonable? Ya, dying will be WAYYY easier than LIVING. Mainly because I haven’t been real with myself and in an effort to avoid pain I medicate myself when I’m sad, drink when I’m lonely and eat emotionally even though my new years resolution of having that 8 pack is definitely going to come true this year. Outlook is good my friend. Oh wait, that’s all bullshit? Psych! Well why didn’t anyone call me out? UGH. You mean I EFFED UP MY ONLY CHANCE? No lemme see the manager, where’s my refund, where’s the reset button?
Ya, I guess I should have paid a bit more attention... oh well.
Where’s the nearest noose? Oh, and if I’m REALLY disgruntled then who am I going to take down with me?
^^^This above? I can't imagine what that would feel like and I intend to keep it that way. It's a motivator. Fear is a good teacher. Also can be a good jailor. There are a lot of different ways that these invisible forces dynamically work as a team to get you to action.
Motivationally speaking if you wanted a good grade, an “A”, you are going to do you’re best to get it. On one hand, you are motivated to be recognized for your achievement, the good grade. I got the A, LOOKATME.
On the other hand, the fear of performing less than stellar is a sufficient motivator as well. “I gotta study because if I don’t I’ll get a B or less and that’s not as good as an A and I will feel badly for it.”
Same result, but the method of arrival is different. This small morsel of segmentation is the first step in to a greater degree what specifically motivates you and thereby are better equipped to self-direct. If you got a good grip on your lid, my hats off to you, no pun intended, but it’s worth reassessing since change is the most consistent thing around.
Although the action is paramount, it’s dwarfed in comparison to WHY you do it. Sadly, we are most dishonest with those who are closest to us. Look it up. Chances are you won’t need to though, the probability is you know firsthand. Why do we hide from the ones we’re most familiar with? Different strokes for different folks I’m sure, and pick your poison but what about that lump in the breast we felt, the anxiety we carry around burdening ourselves unnecessarily and we're faced with a sophie's choice of being to afraid to go to the doctor, afraid that it may confirm our worst fears and we'll... still have what we had before we knew for sure. Stuck between that and not telling anyone else. Ugh. The biggest issue here is delaying the process of making sure you are safe because you don't want to feel the emotional baggage that you would overcome God-forbid it was 'confirmed' and start to heal. Rather than let it sit and call on all the 'pixies' to heal you.
Time, as a result, is the most valuable asset, it’s more volatile than any man made stock index, you could ‘crash’, fancy word for ‘die’ at any time? It’s not something that is good to focus on because although it’s inevitable, it doesn’t do any good to focus on something you can’t change. (Not news to you I’m sure)
Yet, we treat it as though it essentially is LONG term down the line.
Wanna know something pretty annoying?
FORVER = NOW1 + NOW2 + NOW3 + NOW4 …. NOWn
Fancy way of saying Forever is made up of a bunch of NOWS.
Tomorrow is a day that never comes, it will ALWAYS be tomorrow.
Yesterday? Always going to be in the past and incapable of being changed.
The constant and most consistent thing is, that even though those concepts remain the same, the understanding of them evolves as you grow and learn and challenge and become smarter, more knowledgeable and less sure.
Yes, less sure.
Certainty pisses me off sometimes. There is no more discourse in ANYTHING anymore because of the desire for certainty, in all the wrong places.
Religion is no longer about the relationship you have with Whomever it may be. It’s about how I’m right and you’re wrong. People will kill each other because they disagree on what’s going to happen after they kill each other. Sounds silly but “religious extremist” is not an unfamiliar term. Thrown around as much as “I love you”.
Simple observations go a long way.
Let’s take for example, what motivates people to want to believe something that is intangible. It’s too variable. People have a billion and a half reasons. Half of which is none of my damn business. It’s not about you me and G-O-D, right? My relationship with the Big Man is different than your relationship with whatever it is that’s bigger than yourself based on EVERYTHING that’s EVER happened to us from the day we tasted oxygen to MEOW.
Suffice it to say that there is a lot of room for misjudging the data, largely because the data is not quantifiable. Scientific and academic nightmare. But if neither of us can accurately predict what will happen with any confidence or any evidence that is legitimate then isn’t this a stalemate? To understand what motivates people to believe is one thing and plenty can be gained from that but why is it so important that we emphasize on how your belief is so much different than mine? Because it sounds different? The story has different holes at different points? Who knows.
There is one thing I have a hunch on though, and you do some intuitive thinking and compare your results with mine:
Question: What’s the correlation between age and intensity of belief, if you hold all other things constant. Say person from childhood was raised in a certain dimension or religious upbringing and carried on with it all the way to his or her adulthood.
What’s the connection?
More often than not I would intuit that the longer a belief is held the harder it will be to get someone to acknowledge that they may have been wrong. Mainly because of the implications. Holy crap I’ve lived a lie for XX years, what else may I have been wrong about? ETC.
Politics? Isn’t that a waste of time? Stopping people from getting shit done? It’s easy for me to be a critic on one hand, however, there is a saying: libel and slander become a tool of the loser when they realize they've lost. When you start to see that you are not going to “make it” you start to BASH the opposing side.
Are people that savage that they can not even give someone else the satisfaction of winning the same thing that the person who lost now downplays like it wasn’t freaking worth doing? Then why did that person put their time into it? To be mediocre? Some challenges are taken on for the win which is fine, but where i become confused is why it's immediately tossed away and disregarded as insignificant. Convenient right? Loaded, rhetorical question: If he/she had won, do you think our hypothetical individual would react the same way?
Absolutely not. Let's consider an example from my life. I've taken a whole battery of personality tests, IQ tests and blah blah blah, in an effort to 'get a grip' on 'me' and what the ef that means. All official. All very, very pleasing.
Flip the circumstances real, if i performed less than stellar on some test, how quick would i be ready to downplay the significance of the results. Quickly. Luckily it was not the case. But even though i 'scored' great, a test is inherently inadequate in assessing the comprehensive nature of what makes or breaks 'intelligence'. It's just a sliver of a much wider spectrum. Emotional intelligence has to be considered along with a whole host of other factors that would be much more substantive. Yet because it plays in my favor (score!) then i'm going to get that boost and damn it why not? No biggie, until the opposite, (undesirable) effect inevitably rears its head. All of a sudden everything i have been riding on and willfully believing no longer can be accurate if a similar rubric of measurement says drastically different (negatively speaking) than the original.
The same people that will not give credit to an opponent for winning @ something (even though it’s honestly not that big of a deal, if you’re confident in your ability, you will more often than not persevere), this same person, if the roles were reversed, and they had won, would stop at NOTHING to shamelessly rub it in the opponents face.
My question is why? (Maybe sometimes I should consider myself lucky I don’t understand this brand of crazy)
Example below.
I want to go to lunch with you. We have choices of;
· Chicken Fil A at some place in the Mall
· Panera Bread
· McDonalds
· Whataburger (<we have a winner)
Granted we’re assuming you are confined to these choices for this ‘lunch’. You have to choose one. By choosing one, we are simultaneously disregarding our ability to exercise our other options (without sacrificing any extra time). Easy to understand, you make decisions with this profound knowledge at your fingertips All. The. Time.
How come the logic goes out the window whenever the stakes are raised?
(With facebook your first impression is made by you, you are your own boss, you have director’s final cut, the whole nine yards, you have the unprecedented opportunity to evolve into what you’ve ALWAYS wanted to be, which digitally speaking is remedially easy to fabricate. One status about how you’re relocating to XXX University avenue, or some clever quip indirectly affiliating you with this well established entity or whatever you want to affiliate yourself with and people do the work FOR YOU:
“OMG CONGRATUALTIONS@#$%#^& You got the job!!!! I totally expected it of you, I knew you would (which half of the time is easy as eff to say considering the outcome is already determined and you conveniently are incapable of being wrong)
[You neglect to mention you got some low level internship gig or some bs that is WAY different than what everyone is lead to believe]
Conversely the same people would be quick to tell you that all along they knew this person was going to “fail” if they did or if an equally shameful event occurred. They just didn’t want to say it because it was “impolite” or whatever reason that holds the façade together.
They can't go wrong man, they got it made. Somethings working for them upstairs. What's so wrong with being wrong sometimes? EFF
They just happen to know everything huh. These are the same people that end up defrauding investors of millions of dollars. I’m fascinated with watching this show on CNBC called AMERICAN GREED, the shit that convinces these people to part with their money is ridiculous.
Easy for ME to say considering I already know that it doesn’t end well for them and because of the show it's on to begin with. So I am able to, with absolute confidence think I would have made better decisions.
This of course, is ignorant. But the more uncivilized and uneducated an individual whether it be emotionally, intellectually or deficient in whatever way, the more sure & certain they are about their grasp on what is RIGHT and what is WRONG. They have an opinion on things that they have no business having opinions on. I used to be one of these people. It came as no surprise that people were annoyed by the constant answers to everything.
Guess who disliked that type of person the most.
ME.
Shocker.
Making unqualified opinions is a HUGE discredit to your reputation. Which is what ultimately will be your currency with people and be the difference between choosing to listen to Bill Gates and tune out Scuba Steve with his shrek smelling Captain hook beard.
Well, in an effort to maintain the certainty and control of their circumstances and effectively not deal with anxiety in a healthy way, people become reliant on the synthetic methods to stay sane. Because it is not something that can last without breakdown (look it up!), soon your willpower gives out because its exhausting trying to keep track of controlling everything, you turn to medication, supplements and diversions and they become SUBSTITUTES for the real thing.
Scary. As. EFF. Not a question I want to face.
That’s what it boils down to. What makes you do what you do. Once you figure one thing out, it may shed light on another behavior, and soon, you, knock on wood, have conquered your self control and now, direct your own environment. It is a product of you and not vice versa.
Perfection is ultimately unattainable and to a degree it should not be attained. It’s like wishing you could live forever when you overlook the fact that you were bored with 20 minutes of free time yesterday afternoon. The same people that want certainty would be hesitant to take you up on your offer of letting them know EXACTLY when they would die, date and time, if you could. Certainty is now no longer the prime asset. It’s certainty of the things that make you more comfortable and less anxious that you actively seek out.
Then, when you make the decision to further invest in something, it becomes harder to part with it. The longer you study for something the harder and more ferociously you will work to maximize your performance. Otherwise you wasted valuable time that could have been elsewhere? Is your time important to you? K. Ipso Facto, you work harder.
Generic is no longer good enough. It needs to be taken to an atomic level to essentially get a GRIP. Knowing is not enough especially now. It has to be applied, other wise it’s like you don’t know it. (What good is a sun-dial in the shade?) In the same vein being willing is no longer relevant either, willing is just another word for waiting. It has to be done, action has to be taken. IF that’s what you want to do. If not, also fine. But it’s in your interest to figure it out, and as quickly as you can because the sooner you do the more time you’ll have to do what it is you are happiest doing. Conversely, what’s in store for you in the directions you don’t take? We’ll never know. Which is why it makes what we do so important. Again, it’s paramount. Because you sacrifice so much without even knowing it when you make decisions.
We fail ourselves when we don’t consider implications and consequences. It’s real and it’s important. It’s our life. If that means anything to you then surely you can reconcile the prerequisite of at least being aware of why you make decisions, how, and in what circumstances should you avoid decision making.
For me? When I’m reallllly angry. A rarity I admit, but also something people really don’t need to see. Not to be secretive. But because everyone can understand being angry. When you are exposed to something that you have never been exposed to before, or enlightened to an idea that is bigger than your understanding at the time. Your brain cannot forget that it knows that. It’s like trying to forget someone you’ve never met. It highlights a very important theme that I like to incorporate into my thinking:
“Is this the best use of my time?”
You only control “X.” The amount of stuff that is beyond your control is the equivalent to comparing “X” to the rest of the letters in this post. That automatically simplifies things. Something can be complex but doesn’t have to be complicated. Life is simple.
Two steps:
1. Find what makes you happy.
2. Do what makes you happy. Set goals.
However the insistence to complicate and ironize and undermine our ability and capacity to be fulfilled is a never-ending battle. The goal is simple. Do the best you can with what you have. It’s all you can do. It’s much more than you give yourself credit for. I guarantee it. One of the few times I will ever in good faith guarantee something.
At any rate, the goal being simple is one of the driving motivators to give up, because it’s too hard if life’s goal of simply being ‘happy’ is so straightforward.
Well, it takes a lot of introspection, at least for me, dependent on the person and their understanding of themselves as well as the intolerance for bullshit, especially the brand they feed themselves, your rate will increase or decrease with how you view yourself and what you know about yourself. It really makes a difference when you are aware of you’re strengths, play to them and free up to time, if you wish (I like to think that improvement is always a goal) to develop yourself in areas that need it, or have room to be better.
Being authentic and you is easy. Mark Twain makes a good point: Telling the truth gives you the freedom to never have to remember anything. Well, the takeaway for me is to not make things harder than they have to be. Why do that? Why take unnecessary risk that you see no gain to? Put yourself up to lose something and the trade-off is the same as if you had not taken the risk at all.
Worth it? Hardly.
To a degree i enjoy the saying that I am responsible for what I know, I am not responsible for what you don’t understand.
This is interesting because it’s the same as me saying I don’t care what others think.
That’s a very black and white belief. Because I am who I am largely in part due to everyone interact with.
Everything that I have done and arguably just as important, everything that I have not done has lead me to exactly where I am now as I write this and the same holds true for you as you read this. It’s all connected and just because I don’t see the dots doesn’t mean it’s not there. Conversely, just because I feel something does not mean it’s relevant.
That’s the ultimate ‘add-on’. Having the ability to understand what’s relevant and what’s not. Quoting Fight Club: “To let that which does not matter, truly slide”.
But that’s the million-dollar question isn’t it?
That’s a freedom worth working towards because it will give us the satisfaction and fulfillment to make it easy to give back and the human need for reciprocity is one of the most palpable motivators of action around.
Think anytime you get cut-off in traffic, and the person you see in front of you shows no remorse for potentially putting you in danger. He/she essentially flipped you the bird without giving you an opportunity to get your two cents in. Automatically some people get white hot, and literally sweat, immediately find a way to get close to the other car to let them know: “hey, I’m pissed”.
Stepping back and examining the different possibilities it’s a little easier to get a grip. Either the driver A.) knew what he/she and didn’t care which makes what you just did pointless, because it’s like telling a sociopath that they are wrong makes no difference or B.) They didn’t know and you assumed that because you felt fleeced they should automatically be aware.
An alternative: maybe before you skyrocket your blood pressure, go and calmly make your way to the car, not ferociously because here’s the important part:
This is not something you need to waste your willpower on figuring out.
If you don’t get an opportunity to confirm that particular theory you still have piece of mind because if he’s a douche, you don’t want to reason with him for the same reason you wouldn’t try to reason with an ignorant person, onlookers may take notice of the situation and not be able to tell the difference. Things like that are not important to someone who understands that there is something that requires their attention and more importantly they want to dedicate themselves to it.
They understand that something like that, is not worth getting involved in. What good could come from it? And even more audacious, is it worthy of my time? Finding a sense of self worth is a concept that deserves it’s own section in a library, let alone a post on a blog. But suffice it to say that you will not appreciate others and engage them as genuinely and comfortably for you as you will once you have a better understanding and appreciation for yourself. Because of those two things you see yourself as worthy of others attention and time and do your best not to waste it because you would expect the same of them.
That worthiness is an elusive asset because it’s difficult to find yourself, let alone your value when there are more and more things to keep you from doing so.
Find some quiet time that’s solely dedicated to you for lets say 20 minutes a day. I did it for a week, threw out half the shit in my room. Made more progress because I wanted to in less time with no deadline. All from what? Calming the EFF down.
It’s something you deserve to give yourself. Everyone has something to offer and EVERYONE knows at least one thing better than someone else. That’s a MINIMUM.
Given that minimum, we automatically owe it to ourselves and each other to figure out what makes us do what we do so we can downplay the nasty side and focus on the good, light up the darkness and get rid of what’s killing us softly. (Ke$ha)
The reality is we are capable of some SERIOUS stuff. But we find ways to not do it, get side tracked and are pleasantly distracted in the short term with the latest “whatever the eff” so the long term becomes a distant obligation and then is dismissed as something that wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
Deluding yourself is easy to do but lying to yourself is impossible.
What others hear and what you think internally sadly are becoming more and more polarized. Then, after a while it seems like ‘they’ would never understand you because if you thought they were worthy of knowing you, the real you, they would have been made aware by now.
Or if they were capable of accepting you, you would have felt more comfortable and given them an opportunity to make up their own minds. But, they weren’t for WHATEVER reason, worth seeing who you are.
That’s a shitty truth. One that is also always in your (your –y = our) power to change. Things are always going to be around that inspire fear and always will there be a reason to count your blessings. The world is too big to change with a blog post. But the idea behind it, is something that is in sense incapable of being ignored. However it’s lost in translation, stifled, muted, undercut, twisted, flipped on it’s head and made into a lame duck. Blame is easy to throw around and to a degree everyone deserves a share.
I am a part of the problem in so much that I am peaceful. But being militant is just as bad as being complacent. It’s too much too fast. Whereas the opposite is too little too late.
Make haste slowly towards your definition of success, define it and if you don’t know don’t force it! Ask questions if you don’t know the answer and if you’re asked a question, consider that this person for whatever reason is coming to you for consultation. Take it as a compliment. It may be about something small at first. But big things start small. The best relationships are ones that were ‘destined’ to fail by every sense of the word. I’ve been IN them. It’s flabbergasting how ignorant we can be. It’s not going to be the end of the world if you say I don’t know. It says something about you’re character when you know what you know and more importantly know what you do not. AND ARE COMFORTABLE WITH THAT FACT. EFF. All too often people remain unprepared for something that requires some dedicated time and then have a horrible experience whether it be a date, an interview (the same thing??) or a piano lesson.
That bad taste in their mouths is going to discourage further involvement if there is no understanding as to why you’re doing it. Who would stick around when they don’t see the point? If you are one of those people, consider what it is that is keeping you, security, not wanting to rock the metaphorical boat or what EVER. Is it a sharper stick that you fear as punishment or is it the incentive of a sweeter carrot. That kinda shit doesn’t work anymore bro. Consider it. You’ll never have more time than you do right meow.
Equate it to the end of the Matrix.
Neo is like, (in the middle of the movie) so what are you saying black dude, that I can dodge bullets? (Explaining his narrow and rudimentary understanding of what he’s capable of)
Morpheus is like:
No you goofy bastard, I’m saying that when you are ‘ready’ that won’t be a freaking issue.
Things that mattered in high school, are relatively unimportant compared to what I understand now. But that’s me, some learn more, some learn less. I cared about smaller potatoes back then. Now, with that patented 20/20 hindsight vision I can look back and see what REALLY motivated me and more importantly, how the stakes played out are already determined so I have no reason to delude myself about anything. I did this stupid irrational thing because of this, I was able to kick-ass in this aspect because of this, and maybe because of a little of this.
If you don’t know yourself how can you expect to be able to handle yourself whenever the situation calls for you to make a grey-area call. What do you do? We weren’t birthed with an owners manual. So freaking make one. You know yourself pretty well. If not, you have people who you, hopefully interact with you enough to be able to impart some valuable insight that you haven’t considered.
When that opportunity knocks are you going to be there or get the
“Sorry we missed you! Oh and we’re never coming back, see ya douchebag”
The result is what matters.
What gets it done.
What gets it done and makes you feel good about it.
What gets it done and allows you to get up and be willing and able to do it all over again.
What is IT?
Because life will inevitably challenge you to see if you’re worthy of it. If you don’t understand why you’re doing it, like REALLY, then you won’t see the point and….
The Wright Brothers
Heard of em?
Ya, those dudes pioneered flight. Their names will forever be attached to it. Unerasable, Unfuck-withable.
Done and done.
The person who you don’t know about is arguably just as important.
The name will come last, lets talk about who he represents.
Firstly, know that he was also recruited to achieve fixed-wing flight.
This dude, was on the board of directors overseeing Harvard’s education as an institution, rubbed shoulders will ALL the right people (haha, right, Wright, wordplay!)
Had $50K in funding from the war department compared to the Wright brothers who sold their bike shop to fund their venture. (This is 1903)
This guy was backed by the government.
The Wright brothers were backed by, well, the Wright brothers.
Not exactly a fair fight in terms of resources.
Story hasn’t changed in years. Hundreds of em’.
The guy was superior in every sense of the word. Better resources, contacts, resources, resources, resources and was also in a more privileged position to where he had the ability to exert influence if necessary. Speculation at the most basic level, but worth bringing up, there was no excuse for this guy to fail.
The Wright brothers had the Wright brothers. If they failed, it would be easy to see why.
But it’s because of a difference in understanding and consequently real drive to achieve that 109 years ago on my birthday of December 17th, in 1903, the Wright Brothers achieved sustained, winged flight. (Money is just a symptom of success right?)
It is also the same day that Samuel Pierpont Langley (a douchey name by all accounts) quit the position he was recruited, groomed and by all means more qualified for succeeding, if not excelling at.
SO…… what gives?
He was in it for the wrong reasons. Now it’s easy to see that based on the very narrow facts presented. But remember the time period. They didn’t have the multitude of distractions that we have. This was the equivalent of the ‘dot-com’ boom of our generation. Everyone and their mother was trying to do this. So, wouldn’t saying something along the lines of “Wright Bro’s; congrats, that 50K that I ended up not being able to you use because you spanked me in solving the ‘flight problem.., I got an idea: I’d LOVE to innovate on your technology. Let’s work together, TEACH ME SOMETHING”
…Be a better alternative to quitting? Shrugs.
I’m not sure, but I can see it being the case if you were in it for the recognition, fame and inherent cash. It’s easier to make that connection. But that’s why “Samuel Pierpont Langley” will forever be the cautionary tale and the Wright Brothers will forever be awesome.
What are the odds that these people are the ones that are the usual suspects in our ongoing SIRI induced rage mania case? Coincidence my ass. People build their environment in a way that supports their belief structure and avoids, castrates and effectively discredits any opposition.
If I have a group of sycophantic yes-men then it will be extremely easy to get a consensus on ANYTHING. I now hold in my possession an automated conscious eraser.
Me:
Henchmen, I’m asking you a question that I already know the answer to, however I’m asking you simply to help me be cool with whatever uncool thing I’m doing. No, you don’t have to pay for my future therapy. Yes you are irrelevant.
Henchmen:
Gotcha, I’m going to put up with being mistreated so that when it’s MY turn to be YOU, I will do the same bullshit because it happened to me so I GOTTA get my gratuity. I will beat the living crap out of a band member at a reputable University because it’s TRADITION. Even though I know that blind following of ‘tradition’ is what lead to stuff like slavery and the Holocaust. But I’m SMARTER, I’m in BAND or SOME OTHER ERRONEOUS REASON to justify doing something where I should know better.
This, as you can imagine, is not an equitable nor sustainable way to operate. Not to mention your spectrum of emotion is completely twisted by the ability to ‘dupe’ so many people that they are now seen as idiots, and you try and control them more, then they backlash because what the eff, where do you get off thinking you know what’s best for me but you secretly have “known this all along” just didn’t want to tell them because, it would be “impolite”.
Conversely, This is why you find yourself getting pissed off at your friend for answering your question which we established is an effort to essentially seem more valuable. A contact you want to maintain, it validates you. The interaction between your closest friends is elegant to say the least. You probably haven’t technically jumped into it because, lets face it, watching paint dry can be less of drag than finding why Timmy finds it necessary to continually refuse to wash his dishes yet complains about the lack of dishes. (@#$&%*%^&^%$#@)
To a degree, I also easily see myself fall prey only too often into this allure of wanting some certainty when a question is fresh and the opportunity to solve it is in my right pocket. (I’m weird about where I keep it, but then again so are you, if you say “Matthew, I change up where I put my keys/wallet/Phone/Annoying reality checks, on a regular basis, then I am likely to call you a liar and then consider that you are probably more intelligent than a bedroom slipper and try to understand why on earth you do this given that you are not a special statistic)
Before I would just silently judge you, but I don’t do that anymore*
(*a lie, I just do it less or I catch myself committing it more, as with everything else it’s a process which only increases the importance of starting whatever it is you want to dedicate life to early) Sounds grandiose, but dude, it’s your LIFE. What the eff, why do I feel the need to defend my point and tone it down in terms of ‘largeness of scale’ I guess?
ANYWAY.
After experiencing what midlife crisis must feel like in terms of wanting to hit my clever quota (patent pending) allow me to wrap up:
There will ALWAYS be a million reasons not to do something.
Falling trap to excuses was a large, well excuse I was comfortable with.
No longer.
What works for me may not necessarily work for you, but it just might as well…
Studying success is akin to an elevator. But understanding what capability you are endowed with is like having blinders removed from your eyes. What was previously hidden from view is now visible and even more, usable. What was once viewed as nothing is able to create some sort of value.
An admittedly vague example but the implications are vast. Infectious.
Collaboratively speaking if everyone jumped on this train, we’d be in there like Swim-wear. Things happen for reasons that we can’t explain but essentially we’re directed by time and told to go here and do this and achieve this and study for that. Not an issue until you are comfortable with not taking responsibility for yourself.
Courage is contagious. But that makes ignorance pandemic. Many people call the world dirty because they forget to remove the metaphorical dirt from their glasses. People will be quick to call the committed obsessed and regardless of a lack of qualification people will feel that you can (and very well may) benefit from what they have to say. But the real beauty is when someone recognizes the value in the same way that you do. Then it becomes more about hands that help and less about lips that pray.
Design becomes destiny in your hands, and fate in your eyes. People see it, they feel it, it’s tangible, contagious, infectious, encouraging and most important of all, everything that doesn’t matter, goes by the wayside, becomes a mute point, falls on deaf ears, becomes worth the risk.
The people that are trying to make this world worse are not taking a day off. How can we?
It boils down to being able to balance everything, at least for me.
Because then instead of being forced to choose between living in a dream or dealing with reality:
I'll be busy turning one into the other
:)
